I attended my first Transgender Day of Remembrance last night. While it wasn't a complete downer event for me, I'm... glad I made plans to stay at someone else's place last night anyway. I could've handled staying alone in my own apartment, but having the presence of someone else was helpful anyway.

Another day of girl time for me, to make up for the three weeks I went with minimal time. I went shopping for several things today:

• Bits for a hanging lamp DIY project to eliminate a bad shadow spot in my computer room.


• New shoes for work.


• Unmentionables, mostly bras.

After picking up the second at the mall, I was heading back to the car, stopped at the curb before crossing, and my right kneeboot's heel suddenly bent forward as I put weight on it. I made it back to the car, got in, drove over to the Target to get item 3, and before leaving the car again, I looked at my boot, then bent the heel back with brute force.

While it rendered the boot servicable for the rest of my shopping run, it was obvious near the end of it that the heel was no longer true. My right ankle was starting to make protests via stiffness, and I could tell it was also affecting my left ankle and the sole of that foot, since my gait was being pulled every so slightly to one side.

I now have to start shopping for kneeboots. Thankfully, I can get by with other footwear until this is accomplished. Still, frustrating.

I haven't done more than an evening a week of girl time for three weeks, and my mind's walls tried to come crashing down in on me last night. So I logged in, played paper doll, and wandered the grid for a couple of hours. This has helped, but I'm thinking that, outside of Saturday's movie night escapade, I'm gonna need to cram in the girl time from tomorrow night's sorority board meeting through Sunday's visit with Mike.

Oh, and I emailed off asking about therapy rates. Go me. :P

Saw one of the customers when I was out dressed today. Hopefully this won't bite me at work.

OK, another year of girl time is over and done with. As I move into Year Three of my personal exploration, a few bits of progress, and a few things learned.

( Lessons and Thoughts )
It's going to be an interesting, and expensive, third year, I think.

Hey, look, it's a new skirt off my sewing machine!
Leftover fabric, so it was pretty cheap. :)

Brown Skirt 2
Originally uploaded by lynnindenver

I've pretty well stopped doing chat rooms and Second Life. I haven't been in SL in a couple of months, easy, now, and other chat rooms in longer.

It's been somewhat sad, in a way. Being online in a community setting was a big part of my life for a couple of years. But I can freely admit that I've grown past it.

The first reason I've gotten past it, is that I'm no longer dependent on it for my femme social diet. When I created my first female identity, and got that first hit of 'social food' as a woman, it contributed greatly to an addiction to chat rooms. I was in a few, very regularly, until I hit Second Life, which gave a better experience, although it pales in comparison to real life. Now that I've been doing so many things out of the apartment as Lynn, I don't feel the drive to spend my time online like I used to. I've commented before that Lynn time in Denver is worth at least three times what Lynn time in Second Life is, but many times I think the ratio is much, much higher.

The second reason is, well, the overall effect of "blunt social trauma" that I've experienced, mostly in Second Life, but pretty much all of it online. First was the horrible relationship mess I wound up in (which I've already gone over in this journal more than enough times), that has pretty well resulted in my inability to place blind trust in my online interactions. To the point that I automatically assume that, if I'm not being lied to, I'm not hearing anywhere near the whole truth. The second part is that a few places I've found in Second Life that I've enjoyed spending time in, have either died of neglect, or been destroyed outright by drama, either online or offline. Through both issues, I have serious trouble making any sort of emotional investment in Second Life now.

Not to mention that my reaction to the first half of the Blunt Social Trauma has been to find a few things to do in my regular life... and combine that with the joy of being out as Lynn, and that I try to find opportunities to go en femme as often as I can, means I literally don't have the time to spend with Second Life any more anyway.

I'll look again in December... maybe it'll be time then to delete my account outright.

Written by one of my friends, granted it focuses a bit on LGB over the T part, but this is pretty much his opinion of anything that does not directly harm anyone else, and those who would still have it outlawed:

http://www.pcfdp.com/opinion.html#super

The bottoms really need to be roughened up. Taking a tumble on the treated, sealed, and polished concrete floor at Racine's is proof of that. Fortunately, nothing more than a light bruise from that tumble.

The shoes really look nice with my outfit, though. Pity they're not shoes I can go to Tracks in. Here they are: http://www99.shopping.com/xPO-Chinese-Laundry-Laundry-Women-S-Bobbi-Platform-Sandal

$40, at DSW, in my size. :)

I bought a refurbished camera today. I just feel naked without a digital camera of my own. I kinda hate borrowing other people's cameras.

"I don't hate you, Cardassian. I hate what I became because of you." - Miles O'Brien

I still have a fair amount of anger and sadness that I dip back into far more often than I care to, even though it's been more than a year since I talked to either major participant in my poly nightmare.

( More Scar Analysis behind the cut... )

I don't hate Rose, her behavior was understandable given the circumstances. I don't hate Caradoc, although I should. I just hate who I became, because of him.

I made a new top from a downloadable BurdaStyle.com pattern (6022 Jocelyn to be exact), and used it as part of my new Renfair outfit.

( Renfair outfit behind here... )

I got my hair cut last Friday, and donated 12" to Locks of Love. Tonight was my first 'test drive' of my bob with a little curl added courtesy of the hot rollers.

I'm actually happy with the way I look with lightly curled chin length hair. :)

The party went well, and I did take some photos. Unfortunately, you don't get to see them, because I blew up my camera this morning and need to get the memory card to Carrie so that she can copy them for me.

I now have my character for the 'Murder in May' mystery party.

Wendy (Peter and Wendy/Peter Pan).

Now, do I raid thrift stores this week to find a dress I can alter, or try to make something from scratch, or see if I have the stuff in my closet already that I can fake it?

I came out to my parents last night as a crossdresser. Mom admit to being uncomfortable, and thinks I shouldn't do it on account of some of what's been in the news, Angie Zapata being the big one. I gave her reassurances about going to vouched for venues and out with good friends.

We'll see how they settle in the next few months. I don't expect it to be a smooth road, but at least I'm not omitting information about what I'm doing some days.

We still have hope...

It's good that the jury saw through the defense strategy. However, it won't bring one of my sisters back, and it still shows the sad fact that, as wrong as hate crime legislation is, we still need it.

I went with my good friends Mike and Shane to The Pub on Pearl here in Denver to see Savage Henry do an acoustic show. Being my usual, devil may care self, I dolled up for a venue I'd never been to, to see a band that I know the people in it, who didn't yet know of my transgender status.

About the strongest reaction I got from any of them was from Damon, the lead singer and front man of the group. And even that was a momentary, "Oh, what, oh, ok, just you, I can deal," and then move on. Everyone was incredibly accepting of me, and I even found out that John, the bassist, had some experience with transgender because of his mom being a liaison between the community and social workers some years before.



As for the club, aside from a couple of stares, there was no issue with me being there at all. Overall, a very, very good night for me and my friends.

Tonight, I'm finally fulfilling a challenge Marji passed to me when I took her to experience Tracks.

I'm going to see a local band, a band that I really like, a band that I happen to know several members of, as Lynn.

Yes, admittedly, this is a rather... cavalier action for someone who has only been out in public for less than two years. But I've never liked to hide part of myself from people, and this is included.

I wonder what sort of reaction I'll get from Damon and Stew?